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The Top 13 Reasons Jerry Falwell Thinks Your Favorite TV Character is Gay

13. Fonzie: has an "office" in the men's room and always tells guys to "sit on it."

12. If you're drunk enough, "Homer Simpson" sounds kinda like "homosexual."

11. Popeye: Vegetarian. Bodybuilder. Dresses like one of the Village People. "Girlfriend" has no visible breasts. You connect the dots, Chester.

10. Batman & Robin: They caress a bust, which reveals a pole that they wrap themselves around and slide down which strips them of their clothes and puts them in rubber suits and... Okay, maybe Falwell's got something here.

9. Alex Trebek: Lives with his mom and knows *way* too much about Broadway Musicals and potpourri.

8. "Shhhh, be vewy vewy wightous! I'm hunting a naked opewa-wuving wabbit!"

7. Will from "Will & Grace": Not because the character is openly gay, but because if he were straight, he'd go by "Bill" and smoke cigars.

6. That Peter Jennings character on "ABC World News Tonight" is thin, neat and obsessed with the sex life of a guy named Bill.

5. Fred Flintstone & Barney Rubble: Fur house dresses? C'mon!

4. Check the reruns closely: Woody lives up to his name whenever Norm walks into the bar.

3. The letters in "The Teletubbies" can be rearranged to read, "He bites eel butt."

2. "Dr. Quinn, Lesbian Woman"

and Number 1 Reason Jerry Falwell Thinks Your Favorite TV Character is Gay...

1. David Hasselhoff: 147 episodes of "Baywatch" with nary an erection.

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