MutualFriends: What Did We Do Without It?By
When I moved to Indianapolis from Washington, D.C. seven years ago, the most I could hope for in the way of making friends in the GLBT community was to seek out a flyer for a pitch-in. There was, of course, the occasional on-line chat room visit that proliferated more than a few capricious relationships and - even more regrets. Patronizing the local bars, clubs, sporting events and home shows at the fairgrounds was not conducive to commencing long-term relationships of any kind. This remains the case. 
In the seven years I have been in Indianapolis there has been a slow evolution of sorts regarding connecting those within the GLBT community. Not only did NUVO Newsweekly add Gay/Lesbian Events to their weekly calendar section, GayIndy.org began a web site and a list-serve to those wanting to advertise something and/or begin diplomatic and not-so-diplomatic discussions regarding anything and everything. These avenues for connecting with others in the community remain strong thoroughfares. But much like the television remote control, something has come along within and for the Indianapolis GLBT community that makes us think, "whatever in the world did we do without it?"
Mutualfriends.org, a web site and listserv, connects GLBT folks in a way that no other organization has been able to in this otherwise desultory community. The site and listserv, now at over 1,000 members after going live on the World Wide Web a little more than a year ago, provides an avenue for those with access to the Cyber world to reach out to other members for friendship. Though romance is always a possibility when attending events generated by postings to members, Mutualfriends.org is a "non-dating" service, and members are highly discouraged from posting anything that looks remotely like a mating call. Mutualfriends.org's co-founder, Michele O'Mara, LCSW, wanted to build and promote a program that offered the chance for GLBT persons to socialize. In addition, as a program of Wildflower Resource Network (WRN), a 501c3 organization, the program must adhere to specific guidelines when offering services and raising funds.
O'Mara, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice, began her work with Indiana Youth Group in 1994 in a counselor  position that was funded by a federal grant. After the grant had run its course, O'Mara wanted to maintain her work of educating professionals on the needs of GLBT persons. "Simultaneously I also went into private practice and my focus by that time was clearly on the specific needs and issues related to gays and lesbians as well as bisexual persons and transgendered folks," said O'Mara.
Her focus parlayed into a collaboration with a former volunteer for the Bloomington chapter of IYG and founder of the non-profit organization I Wish, Inc, which provided non-necessity grants to persons living with HIV and AIDS. Celia Busch's experience with forming I Wish, Inc. as a 501c3 organization led O'Mara to ask Busch for her assistance with starting her non-profit. "Because she incorporated as a 501c3, and I wanted to do the same for my organization - soon to become a joint venture of ours called Wildflower Resource Network - I sought her assistance," she said.
According to O'Mara, I Wish, Inc. was not "playing out" as Busch had hoped, so she offered O'Mara the use of her 501c3 status and asked that Wildflower Resource Network be a joint venture.
"What a gift that was to me. Celia did all of the financials, administrative work, proposal writing and all of the other tasks that I find dreadful. This freed me to do workshops, write, educate and develop programs - mostly to educate professionals."
Naming the organization seemed to come easily to the two women who have brought so much to the Indianapolis GLBT community. "Our name centers around Wildflowers," said O'Mara. "They are everywhere just as gays and lesbians are. The metaphor relates to the beauty and resiliency of wildflowers - popping up where least expected and surviving, with grace and beauty, in the harshest environments. It just made sense to us."
Through her private practice, she found that healthy venues for GLBT persons to find friendships were primarily lacking. "Many people seeking therapy are isolated to begin with, and of course some struggle with anxiety, depression or simply not feeling good about themselves and often many feel some shame about being gay."
All of those factors contribute to the difficulty that GLBT persons encounter when seeking relationships of any kind. In addition, there are few environments where being openly gay feels safe. This includes our places of employment. Since many GLBT persons do not feel safe in being out, a great deal of energy is expended when trying to figure out if our sexual orientations will be an issue for someone else. Other venues tend to center around dating - bars, online chats, dating services, etc.
Thus, the GLBT friendship web site and listserv, Mutualfriends.org, went live February 7th, 2002. "Being gay alone is certainly not enough to connect two people in friendship," O'Mara says, "but the commonality does eliminate barriers that may otherwise prevent Mutualfriends.org members from being themselves. There is no need to censor, guess or wonder about how one's sexual orientation will be received when befriending other gays and lesbians."
Since going live on the World Wide Web last year, Mutualfriends.org has given birth to several groups as well as a softball team - the MF ers. The 465 Club as well as writing groups, singles groups and professionals groups stay alive through the web site and its listserv. There is also an annual camping event - one for the boys and one for the girls. And the second annual Mutualfriends.org Flower Power picnic was held April 27th to the tune of approximately two hundred attendees. Keeping with their wildflower theme and metaphor the organization obtains flower donations for the event from Mother Earth Landscape Design, a lesbian-owned landscape design and build company. When members purchase the flowers the proceeds go directly to Mutualfriends.org.
For getting the word out about yourself and your desire for friendship or your request to form a team or group, members can post anything along the lines of friendship and group or team activities to the list. And while many are not at all too shy to send a posting out to the large list of members, some are happy to just know that it has become such an integral part of the community in such a short period of time. "I read all the e-mails I get," says Patrick Cobb, a member. "It's really nice knowing it is there."
O'Mara takes personal responsibility for about 200 members via word of mouth. Outside of the grapevine, NUVO is the organization's number one referral source. "The ads run us $150 per week, and we currently can only afford every-other-week ads," she said.
While she finds fundraising a daunting and unpleasant task, her goal is to double the membership by this time next year. "I love providing the service free to everyone and I believe in our work and its value to members."
Value indeed. Mutualfriends.org is the equivalent to the introduction of the refrigerator in a time when everyone was using root cellars.
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