Indianapolis - Parents of gays and lesbians today spoke out about their love for their children, emphasizing acceptance of their sexuality and taking exception to efforts to squelch it. The affirmations were in response to a scheduled conference touting "reparative therapy" as a means for gays to suppress their sexual orientation and pose as straight, or "ex-gay."

"I love my gay son as a complete person exactly the way he is," said Marcia Neff, a member of the local chapter of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). "Some misguided advocates would have me tell him "Yes, I love you, but you can't be whole unless you live your life denying this basic part of you." I choose to honor my children, gay or non-gay, as worthy of nothing less than my unqualified love and wholehearted support."

Parents, clergy and other experts rallied in response to an upcoming conference called "Love Won Out," sponsored by the national organization Focus on the Family. "Love Won Out" promotes reparative therapy for young gay men and lesbians.

Dr. Jane Park Cutler, LCSW, said "While Love Won Out acknowledges that sexual orientation might well be determined at birth, they are committed to "fixing" homosexuals. As a social worker, I have consistently seen the suffering of individuals who cannot live up to their families' or society's narrow definition of what is "right" or "normal." It seems to me that what really needs to be fixed is the oppressive, judgmental attitude that creates shame and guilt by asking anyone to be someone they are not."

Clergy, too, have taken exception to the Love Won Out approach. "Reparative therapy doesn"t work," said the Rev. Walter Sherman, rector of St. Alban's Episcopal Church in Indianapolis. "Again and again, psychological and medical associations across the nation have condemned its pretense and methodology. Once again, fundamental Christianity shows its true colors in its ignorance of science and of social insight and of Jesus' command to love one another."

Reparative therapy also has been challenged by those who have gone through it. "After eleven years of struggling unsuccessfully to reorient my sexuality, I finally realized that my true struggle had been to fit into a religious community that only accepted me fully when I pretended to be someone I was not," said Troy Smythe of his experience with reparative therapy. "When I did actually look closely at the same-sex couples I met at the church I attend, I found remarkable examples of commitment, fidelity, and unconditional love."

Smythe went on to address the innate nature of sexual orientation. "Being gay for me is like being right-handed," he said. "It is neither good nor bad. It just is. My family and my partner's family see us as we see ourselves - as a mutually committed couple working hard to keep our family strong."

Countering what they see as the harmful and confusing messages of Love Won Out, members of Indy PFLAG emphasized understanding, acceptance and unconditional love. "I love, accept and celebrate my lesbian daughter," said Sarah Patterson, a local PFLAG leader. "She is a successful mother, partner and family physician. My heart aches when I hear about families rejecting their gay children and I blame the messages from the religious right for this. PFLAG is one of many places where they can be accepted and loved for who they are."

Patterson urges those with questions about sexuality and gender identity to consult resources available at the PFLAG Web site: www.indypflag.org.


 Indy PFLAG Website